you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
