ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
