D3 body, D1 cock
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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