You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
