That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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