I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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