I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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