my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
