your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
