I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
