I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what day is it and did you see me today?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
