garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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