There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
from now on my penis is your penis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
