oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
as a side note pls kill me
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