i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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