Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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