Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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