stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
