My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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