Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
