The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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