Cold hands, warm shart.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
