she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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