hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I skipped work to stalk him.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
