I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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