I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
