just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
