Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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