Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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