I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
