My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
