I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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