I smell stomach acid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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