dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
