Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
