My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Bring me that man meat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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