Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
