real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So drunk its hurt
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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