Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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