We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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