One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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