had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
