When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
