I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
