I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
