apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize