I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
