new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
