just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize