If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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