Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
