My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
