I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
