we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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