Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
