I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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