At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
