Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
