you win again, gameday.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
