I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
