I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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