some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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