Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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