where am i from again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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