Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We talked him into tasing himself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
