Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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