...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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