it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
